Under time pressure some of my Year 11s produced the following paragraphs. We guessed who wrote which one based on the style they have adopted.
We used PiratePad to share responses (which were written initially in word). The lesson made them receptive, and allowed them to respond reflectively on the concepts of writing. It was an effective lesson as part of our rhythm of learning.
The shards of broken glass like red daggers littered the cold concrete floor glinting in the dangerous moonlight. I yawned rubbing my eyes with grubby grazed hands. The gash that ran down my shin seemed to have stopped bleeding. I couldn’t exactly remember what I was doing and where I was going. All I remember was running – the black fog. Yes that was it.
Shaking and almost falling over several times I managed to sit up and perch myself next to the window ledge. Looking down I could see… well I couldn’t see very much, but then I didn’t know what floor I was on. I appeared to be in one of those modern scrapers that looked to be made entirely out of glass. The firm structure had held firmly through the fog. I tried to stand again but the searing pain that I thought might have gone had returned. The gash on my leg burned with anger and pink and yellow oozed from within. Groaning in agony I sank back down clutching my knee cap I thought about the barbed wire that sliced through me like a chainsaw through chocolate.
“Johnny, where are you going?” my mother had almost been famous for these words. I was always out, hardly ever saw her. Maybe I wouldn’t ever see her again… A horrid thought that I believed should’ve torn a hole straight through me was simply discarded as if the whole idea was simply so preposterously stupid that it wasn’t even important to me. What was important now was getting down stairs to go find someone to sort out my darn leg.
What came next was unbearable, the sharp cool feeling as one of the shards of glass fell from the window pain and struck my left side. I couldn’t be any luckier I thought sarcastically as I rolled onto my side grimacing as I pulled it out. My blood wasn’t human, nor was it alien. I was part robot.
My mother’s first son had contracted deadly diseases when they went to France when he was 5months old. Mum was told he had another year or so until the medication would stop working. They bought me. mjhli
Kazlaza prison. That was where Jimmy was taken to. According to Killerzx’s source, Jimmy had tried taking down 20 eyes at once. After he had defeated the eight eye, the commander (Pollux) took him away to Kazlaza prison judging from the direction he was going. One minor setback was that no one knew who or what Pollux is. The townspeople have only heard about Pollux and know what he could do. Killerzx sat, waiting quietly for his scouts to return. It has been 3 hours. If they have not come back after 30 minutes, he will have to go after them.
WHAM! The eye fell to the ground. The killer stood up, his whole body shaking from the poison. Darkshadow rogue Zar knew the side effects of the eye’s poison but never imagined it would be this bad. He checked his bag for any damage on it. To his relieve the bag was still in one piece, a few scratches here and there but no serious damage can be seen. Zar took out a flask filled with green liquid and drank a mouthful. Instantly, his body stopped shaking and felt numb. He let out a sigh of relieve. He inspected his equipment and weapons before he moved: his cloak was singed, he had lost a glove of haste to one of the eye which had eaten it and his weapons were covered in blood. He sat down on one of the eye’s body waiting for his partner to get ready.
Her golden blade of venom was covered in blood. She would have cleaned it but she did not want to touch it. Skillful assassin Kazilla had no idea what would happen if she touched the magical blade with no protection. But they were effective against the eyes.
I love the sound of the wind rushing past me, the trees rustling, waves crashing against the rocks and birds singing in the morning. So, imagine a life without sound. In my opinion it’s quite extraordinary that someone could live without it. Interestingly that person just happens to be my best friend.
Jacob had been my neighbour since I was 4 years old. He’s the same age as me now, 15, and we somehow have managed to get on really well together until now but he has never once heard my voice nor has he heard anything really. His parents often took him to the doctors to check out new pieces of technology that came out that might possibly allow him to hear but nothing ever worked. I knew his parents would to anything they could so their child could hear.
However, about a week ago everybody’s wish came true. There was a phone call to the house in the afternoon coming from the hospital. Jacob’s dad had answered the phone because Jacob’s mum was at work and by the time he came of (about half an hour later!) he had never looked happier. On that day Jacob and I were as usual hanging out and so we were both told by his dad that there had been a new ear piece which let allowed those that were deaf to be able to hear again. That very day his whole family and I went to the hospital.
Eroding her way to my heart, she passed through the brick like wall that surrounds me. I was practically engulfed by her beauty. Thoughts of her and I together left me tormented but I could not resist. I feared that if she heard my words she would label me facetious. How could I make her understand that she was the primacy of my world? I am lost; I know not how to profess my love. Shall I be bold and confront her, yes this is what I must do – even if she declines. It is better to try and fail than not to try at all.
Plunging into the inky depths of the water, claustrophobia rammed me like a freight train. The sudden, overwhelming darkness seemed to seep into me, moulding with my very bones, numbing me from the inside. Slowly but surely, I sank plenty of fathoms, witnessing realms never seen before, experiencing fear like no man has ever felt before – the fear of living.
My past life was merely a shadow to me now. I was one with the darkness now. Floating in a numb bliss, I could feel the currents surge around me, tossing me aside like a rag doll and guiding me to eternity. As if in a dream, I saw the vivid figures of, were they mermaids? Swimming towards me as if in a trance, their jewel crested bodies were the only source of light in the suffocating darkness. Their silky, flowing hair draped around their supple skin as their eyes bore into mi- Black. Pitch black. My eyes widening with fear.
“Disgusting” I said as I looked into the eyes of the wide-eyed waiter. He quickly adjusted his composure; however, I could still see the remnants of shock on his face as I had (quite loudly) proclaimed their best dish ‘braised steak’ as ‘disgusting’.
Pink and rare was the steak, easy to cut through … to most people it looked divine… To me, it looked like a piece of raw meat freshly carved from a carcass and dropped on a plate. I prefer my meat well done. People, in general, do not understand the release and the relish one feels by sinking your teeth into a tough piece of meat, your canines ripping into it. It feels like a battle and when it surrenders.
…You feel like a winner…
Zara being dazed and feeling this burning sensation in her left thigh. Left her crippled in the one leg but she got up! To fight this human in this greenish armor that made him look bulky and strong. She had no way of knowing how to bet this human. The human attacked first punching Zara straight on the jaw. The force of the punch broke her two bottom jaws. The humans all screamed and cheered the greenish warrior on and gave him support. She had only herself and her two purple clad warriors, the rest of her entire squad was gunned down by the humans. She counted multiple warriors that were clad in a greenish armor. John punching the jaw of the black warrior saw the opportunity to hit it near the ribs. The Black warrior howled in pain and fell to the ground. When getting up from of the ground one of her fellow warrior throw her an energy sword, John defenseless with no weapon was attacked brutally by the elite in black armor. She sliced through his armor and cut his upper right arm and right shoulder. The green armored Soldier fell to the ground. But suddenly it stood slowly up off of the ground and threw his knife at the elite. That hit her right through the throat and she started to bleed. Her fellow warriors grabbed her and retreated back to their ship.
John was put into a medical tube to be taken care of. While the rest of the squad members were patched up and sent to restock on supplies they needed. After being in the tube for four hours , John was released from themed bay. Chief Greyson came over and called john over. He congratulated John on the fine combat skills he showed to day. Chief Greyson and the higher ranking officers wanted to test john again but the time to give him a more obscure challenge! This will determine if he is able to survive the harsh conditions on their enemies planet. Their planet being in the sol system and the enemy trying to get the location of earth was not an option. their battleship captain were ordered to scrub their flight records every two hours.